1 00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:11,928 [Eleanor] Last season on The Good Place... 2 00:00:12,011 --> 00:00:15,557 [Michael] In the afterlife, there's a Good Place and there's a Bad Place. 3 00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:17,809 -You're in the Good Place. -[sighs] 4 00:00:17,892 --> 00:00:20,186 Eleanor, you are my soulmate. 5 00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:23,481 Chidi, you'll stand by my side, no matter what, right? 6 00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:24,774 Of course I will. 7 00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:27,444 -I'm not supposed to be here. -Wait, what? 8 00:00:27,527 --> 00:00:30,947 Eleanor, Chidi, I would like you to meet Tahani and Jianyu. 9 00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:33,908 -Oh! You booped me. -I did! 10 00:00:33,992 --> 00:00:36,870 His real name is Jason. He's a drug-dealing DJ from Florida. 11 00:00:36,953 --> 00:00:37,787 What's up, homie? 12 00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:40,665 The problem in the neighborhood is me. 13 00:00:41,249 --> 00:00:44,461 You have all done bad things since you arrived here. 14 00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:47,380 The Bad Place is owed two people. You can decide. 15 00:00:47,464 --> 00:00:52,594 Holy motherforking shirt balls. 16 00:00:52,677 --> 00:00:54,304 This is the Bad Place. 17 00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:55,638 [laughs] 18 00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:59,768 Except for you four, everyone in this neighborhood is one of us. 19 00:00:59,851 --> 00:01:05,565 You saw us all on Earth: a selfish ass, an idiot DJ, 20 00:01:05,648 --> 00:01:08,735 a tortured academic, a hot, rich fraud. 21 00:01:08,818 --> 00:01:11,112 You thought we would torture each other. 22 00:01:11,196 --> 00:01:15,909 The only thing you succeeded in doing was bringing us all together. 23 00:01:15,992 --> 00:01:18,703 That's it. My big mistake 24 00:01:18,787 --> 00:01:21,831 was having you be soulmates living next to each other. 25 00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:25,502 Next time, I'll spread you out so it's more of a slow burn. 26 00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:28,546 I'm going to erase your memories, make a few changes and start over again. 27 00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:30,548 Got to get the boss man to sign off. 28 00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:33,593 If this thing goes sideways again, you are done. 29 00:01:33,676 --> 00:01:36,638 [Eleanor] Do your worst. We figured it out once. We can do it again. 30 00:01:36,721 --> 00:01:38,306 Janet, open up. 31 00:01:38,389 --> 00:01:41,976 Because you know what, Michael? Ya basic-- 32 00:01:42,393 --> 00:01:46,064 -You, Eleanor Shellstrop, are dead. -Cool. 33 00:01:46,147 --> 00:01:47,232 I'm your soulmate. 34 00:01:47,315 --> 00:01:49,651 You'll stand by me no matter what, right? 35 00:01:49,734 --> 00:01:52,403 Hold that thought. Is it okay if I go work out? 36 00:01:52,487 --> 00:01:55,365 I gotta stay jacked. It's who I am. 37 00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:57,200 See you soon. 38 00:01:57,283 --> 00:01:58,535 -Hi, there. -[gasps] 39 00:01:58,618 --> 00:02:00,703 I'm Janet. I think this is yours. 40 00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:03,540 After I was rebooted, I found it in my mouth. 41 00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:08,253 What the fork is a "Chidi"? Why can't I say "fork"? 42 00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:18,805 Okay, here we go. 43 00:02:19,430 --> 00:02:22,684 Confidence, Mikey. Project confidence. 44 00:02:23,768 --> 00:02:25,478 There he is. How's it goin', boss man? 45 00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:28,064 Enough chitchat. Is everything in place for version two? 46 00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:32,402 Yep! We're keeping everything from version one that made them miserable, 47 00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:35,155 adding a bunch of new stuff that they'll hate. 48 00:02:35,238 --> 00:02:39,534 For example, all the coffee is from those little pods. 49 00:02:39,617 --> 00:02:42,370 [laughs] Diabolical. 50 00:02:42,954 --> 00:02:46,457 Plus, they will all have new soulmates, of course. 51 00:02:46,541 --> 00:02:49,335 You gotta trust me on this, boss. I've thought of everything. 52 00:02:50,336 --> 00:02:52,005 -I won't let you down. -I think you will. 53 00:02:52,088 --> 00:02:55,008 I think this entire project of yours is stupid and doomed to fail. 54 00:02:55,091 --> 00:02:58,011 I think you're going to be retired, eliminated from existence, 55 00:02:58,094 --> 00:02:59,721 and burned on the surface of a billion suns. 56 00:02:59,804 --> 00:03:02,557 And I have no doubt that you and your cockamamie experiment 57 00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:04,684 will go down in history as colossal failures. 58 00:03:04,767 --> 00:03:06,728 -You know, I think if you-- -Toodle-oo. 59 00:03:07,312 --> 00:03:09,731 [Michael] Okay. Take two, folks. 60 00:03:09,814 --> 00:03:13,192 Any last questions before we start up again? Yes. 61 00:03:13,276 --> 00:03:16,613 Just so I'm clear, we're not pairing them up this time? 62 00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:21,701 Correct. Obviously, the eventual goal is to get them to torture each other. 63 00:03:21,784 --> 00:03:25,371 But, first, we're gonna create some nice, individual torment. 64 00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:28,583 In version one, making them soulmates, 65 00:03:28,666 --> 00:03:31,961 we probably bit off more than we could chew. 66 00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:34,964 We could bite them? I didn't know we were allowed to bite them. 67 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:37,091 That's an expression, Chuck. 68 00:03:37,175 --> 00:03:38,384 Go ahead, Vicky. 69 00:03:38,468 --> 00:03:40,720 I have some questions about my new character. 70 00:03:40,803 --> 00:03:45,934 I feel like I got "real" Eleanor. Like, I got her, you know? 71 00:03:46,017 --> 00:03:50,647 But this new character, Denise. I mean, who is she? I don't get her. 72 00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:53,149 Is she a quirky best friend type, 73 00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:56,819 or more of a "femme fatale, sexuality is her weapon of choice" type? 74 00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:58,404 Both those things. 75 00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:01,157 I have some questions about my character, too. 76 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:03,034 Like... can he bite them? 77 00:04:03,117 --> 00:04:06,746 No. Okay, reminder, the most important thing tonight, 78 00:04:06,829 --> 00:04:08,039 and this is crucial, 79 00:04:08,122 --> 00:04:11,668 you need to get Eleanor drunk at the welcome party 80 00:04:11,751 --> 00:04:15,004 so she will say and do a bunch of bad stuff. 81 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,631 Then, we take that stuff 82 00:04:16,714 --> 00:04:20,718 and use it to build our chaos sequence in the morning. 83 00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:24,681 For example, you remember last time, she stole all the cocktail shrimp, 84 00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:28,643 and we made giant nightmare shrimp fly through the sky? 85 00:04:28,726 --> 00:04:29,560 [all laugh] 86 00:04:29,644 --> 00:04:32,230 See, it's those details that make her realize 87 00:04:32,313 --> 00:04:34,565 she's in danger of being found out. 88 00:04:35,483 --> 00:04:40,947 Okay, all right, I know that this kind of large-scale deception 89 00:04:41,030 --> 00:04:43,116 is not what you were trained to do. 90 00:04:43,199 --> 00:04:45,702 There are gonna be days when you are just sick 91 00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:51,874 of being around these disgusting humans, with their weird, gross little mouths 92 00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:54,294 and their stupid elbows. 93 00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:59,382 You're gonna be tempted to say, "Screw it. Can't we just go back to HQ, 94 00:04:59,465 --> 00:05:01,467 and do this the old-fashioned way? 95 00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:02,802 Pull out some fingernails, 96 00:05:02,885 --> 00:05:06,514 toss someone in an acid pit, fire up the old penis flattener?" 97 00:05:06,597 --> 00:05:12,395 And sure, that sounds nice, but it also sounds easy. 98 00:05:12,478 --> 00:05:16,316 We're all here because we believe that there's a better way 99 00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:21,946 to make humans miserable. And I... I believe in you. 100 00:05:22,905 --> 00:05:27,452 So, torture on three. Ready? One, two, three... 101 00:05:27,535 --> 00:05:28,870 [all] Torture! 102 00:05:28,953 --> 00:05:29,912 And biting! 103 00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:31,497 Nope! No. 104 00:05:31,581 --> 00:05:33,583 [theme music playing] 105 00:05:40,339 --> 00:05:43,551 Hey, lady? Can you come back? 106 00:05:44,135 --> 00:05:45,887 Joey? 107 00:05:46,804 --> 00:05:48,347 Janine? 108 00:05:49,348 --> 00:05:52,185 [stammers] Jaja? 109 00:05:53,311 --> 00:05:55,938 Why don't I ever listen to people when they talk about themselves? 110 00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:58,399 No, it's annoying, and I'm right not to. 111 00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:02,862 Okay, Chidi, where are you? Or what are you? 112 00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:05,948 A type of soup, maybe? 113 00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:07,992 [indistinct conversation] 114 00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:12,538 Hi, there. I'm Eleanor. 115 00:06:12,622 --> 00:06:16,667 Nice to meet you, Eleanor. I'm Nina, this is my soulmate, Bart. 116 00:06:16,751 --> 00:06:21,672 Love it! Love people's names, and love learning all about them. 117 00:06:21,756 --> 00:06:22,632 Where are you all from? 118 00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:25,551 Well, oddly enough, I was born in Mozambique-- 119 00:06:25,635 --> 00:06:29,514 Cool. Listen, do you guys know if there's a neighborhood phone book 120 00:06:29,597 --> 00:06:31,057 with everybody's name listed in it? 121 00:06:31,140 --> 00:06:34,560 Oh, I don't think so, 'cause there's no phones here. 122 00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:36,270 There are no phones here? 123 00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:39,982 -Of course. Duh! -[both chuckle] 124 00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:41,192 There's no use for 'em. 125 00:06:41,275 --> 00:06:43,444 I always prefer talking to people, anyway. 126 00:06:43,528 --> 00:06:47,532 People are like nature's apps. 127 00:06:48,741 --> 00:06:50,493 Hmm. Anyway, 128 00:06:50,576 --> 00:06:52,495 we're on our way to get some pizza. Would you like to join us? 129 00:06:52,578 --> 00:06:54,831 Maybe we could get know each other a little bit, chat. 130 00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:56,624 Uh, I'm good. I'm gonna explore a little bit, 131 00:06:56,707 --> 00:06:59,210 but it was so nice to meet you, Nina, and-- 132 00:07:00,128 --> 00:07:02,130 Bye-bye. 133 00:07:05,967 --> 00:07:07,135 Oh, sorry, I didn't see you. 134 00:07:09,554 --> 00:07:11,681 Chidi? Are you Chidi? 135 00:07:16,477 --> 00:07:20,022 -Eleanor? What are you up to? -Oh! Hey there, Michael. 136 00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:23,067 Just getting to know everyone in the neighborhood. 137 00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:26,404 Who was that mysterious gentleman wearing the nightgown? 138 00:07:26,487 --> 00:07:31,617 Oh, uh, that's Jianyu, a Taiwanese monk who never speaks. 139 00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:34,203 Might be a little hard to get to know him. [chuckles] 140 00:07:34,829 --> 00:07:37,707 Eleanor, you and I both know 141 00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:40,877 you're not like everyone else in this neighborhood. 142 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:45,006 Everyone here led a remarkable life. 143 00:07:46,007 --> 00:07:50,970 But you, the work you did as an environmental activist 144 00:07:51,053 --> 00:07:53,431 was just extraordinary. 145 00:07:53,514 --> 00:07:54,891 Uh... 146 00:07:54,974 --> 00:07:57,768 Oh, well, it's the environment. 147 00:07:57,852 --> 00:08:00,104 I mean, I loved... 148 00:08:00,188 --> 00:08:01,272 mushrooms. 149 00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:03,900 I can honestly say that. 150 00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:07,945 Well, it paid off because you were the number one point-getter 151 00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:09,739 in this entire neighborhood. 152 00:08:09,822 --> 00:08:12,950 And as such, I was hoping you could say a few words 153 00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:16,162 at tonight's welcome party to introduce yourself? 154 00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:18,372 How can I say no? [chuckles] 155 00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:20,708 Can I say no? It doesn't feel like I can say no. 156 00:08:20,791 --> 00:08:23,085 -But if I can, Michael, I'm saying no. -Okay. 157 00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:27,340 You'll speak for maybe an hour or so? Hey, you know what? 158 00:08:27,423 --> 00:08:29,592 I got you something to wear here. 159 00:08:29,675 --> 00:08:33,179 All the top point-getters wear these on the first night. 160 00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:36,766 Oh, you gotta be forking kidding me. 161 00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:40,019 So, long story short, my heart is in the Pope, 162 00:08:40,102 --> 00:08:43,564 my liver's in the Dalai Lama, and my teeth were strung into a necklace 163 00:08:43,648 --> 00:08:46,192 for a child king in French Polynesia. 164 00:08:46,275 --> 00:08:49,612 But it got me into the Good Place, so can't complain. 165 00:08:49,695 --> 00:08:53,991 Wow! Can I tell you something, just soulmate to soulmate? 166 00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:56,410 Hold that thought. I'm gonna head to the gym. 167 00:08:56,494 --> 00:08:58,246 [chuckles] 168 00:08:58,329 --> 00:09:00,915 Are you serious? Again, right now? 169 00:09:01,624 --> 00:09:03,668 Yeah. I'll catch you later. 170 00:09:04,752 --> 00:09:06,921 Hey, there, Best Person. 171 00:09:07,004 --> 00:09:09,549 You must be Eleanor. I'm Jessica, the host. 172 00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:11,926 -Hi. -Michael told us about your speech. 173 00:09:12,009 --> 00:09:13,761 I can't wait to hear what you have to say. 174 00:09:13,844 --> 00:09:16,806 Me neither, Jessica. Me neither. 175 00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:20,935 Aw, don't be nervous. Here, liquid courage. 176 00:09:21,018 --> 00:09:25,064 Actually, um, you know what? I think I need to keep a clear head. 177 00:09:25,147 --> 00:09:27,858 Can you imagine getting drunk before giving a big speech? 178 00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:30,611 Getting kicked out of your niece's christening 179 00:09:30,695 --> 00:09:32,446 and then, only later, once you've sobered up, 180 00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:35,533 realized you don't even have a niece? It's like, who was that kid? 181 00:09:35,616 --> 00:09:36,867 [chuckles] 182 00:09:36,951 --> 00:09:39,787 So, Eleanor, you were an environmental lawyer. 183 00:09:39,870 --> 00:09:41,455 -That's fascinating. -I know. 184 00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:43,249 Just don't ask me questions about it. 185 00:09:43,332 --> 00:09:45,710 I am sick of describing exactly what it means. 186 00:09:45,793 --> 00:09:48,254 Hey, I'm headed to the bar. Can I grab you something? 187 00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:50,548 -How about a margarita? -No, I'm good. 188 00:09:50,631 --> 00:09:53,759 Actually, I'm the best. According to the sash. 189 00:09:56,304 --> 00:09:59,307 -She's still not drinking? -Nope. Something's off. 190 00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:00,808 Should we... 191 00:10:00,891 --> 00:10:02,226 [chomping] 192 00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:03,227 No. 193 00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:05,229 -Keep it together. -Yeah. 194 00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:12,778 Screw it. Couple of quick shots. 195 00:10:13,362 --> 00:10:15,740 Then I'm coming for you, shrimpies. 196 00:10:20,911 --> 00:10:23,664 [woman] Please don't make this harder than it already is, Chidi. 197 00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:30,880 These are for you. Drink up. 198 00:10:32,673 --> 00:10:34,717 Hi. Is your name Chidi? 199 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:36,177 Yes? 200 00:10:36,260 --> 00:10:38,304 Ah! I knew you weren't a soup. 201 00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:41,265 -What? -Listen to me carefully. 202 00:10:41,349 --> 00:10:43,392 My name is Eleanor Shellstrop. 203 00:10:44,393 --> 00:10:46,103 We need to talk. 204 00:10:53,069 --> 00:10:55,613 Chidi? Come on in. 205 00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:58,032 [Chidi] There really is an afterlife. 206 00:10:58,115 --> 00:11:03,204 I can't wait to have breakfast with Kant, lunch with Michel Foucault, 207 00:11:03,287 --> 00:11:04,413 dinner with Kant again, 208 00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:06,248 so we can talk about what came up at breakfast-- 209 00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:10,086 I'm sorry, Chidi, all the great philosophers in history 210 00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:11,754 ended up in the Bad Place. 211 00:11:11,837 --> 00:11:14,173 All of my heroes are-- 212 00:11:14,256 --> 00:11:16,258 Being tortured. Yes. I'm afraid so. 213 00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:21,347 Actually, it is kind of clever how they punish philosophers. 214 00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:25,351 Every day, they make them go to school naked. 215 00:11:25,434 --> 00:11:30,064 Then they take a test in a class they've never been to. [chuckles] 216 00:11:30,147 --> 00:11:33,859 Then they smash them with hammers. That part is not so clever. 217 00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:39,323 But the point is, Chidi, you were way better than all of them. 218 00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:40,616 You're safe. 219 00:11:42,159 --> 00:11:45,996 -No way. Soulmates are real? -They sure are. 220 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:49,917 Although, your soulmate situation is a little unusual. 221 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:53,754 Oh, no. I don't have one, do I? That's fine. Who needs a soulmate, anyway? 222 00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:57,716 My soulmate will be... books. 223 00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,885 No, no. It's not that you don't have a soulmate. 224 00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:02,471 It's that you have multiple soulmates. 225 00:12:03,264 --> 00:12:09,645 Here, now, normally our omniscient system perfectly analyzes each person's profile 226 00:12:09,728 --> 00:12:12,231 and matches him or her with another person. 227 00:12:12,314 --> 00:12:16,360 But in your case, the system matched you with two other people. 228 00:12:16,444 --> 00:12:20,030 It's a rare occurrence, like a double rainbow. 229 00:12:20,114 --> 00:12:22,658 Or someone on the Internet saying, 230 00:12:22,741 --> 00:12:25,703 "You know what? You've convinced me I was wrong." 231 00:12:25,786 --> 00:12:27,621 So, how do you choose who I should be with? 232 00:12:27,705 --> 00:12:29,540 I don't choose. You do, Chidi. 233 00:12:29,623 --> 00:12:32,251 I... What? 234 00:12:32,334 --> 00:12:35,713 This is Angélique, Pedro and Pevita. 235 00:12:35,796 --> 00:12:41,385 According to the system, either Pedro or Chidi could be matched perfectly 236 00:12:41,469 --> 00:12:46,307 with either Angélique or Pevita. So, figure it out. Should be fun. 237 00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:50,352 Cool beans. One second, guys. 238 00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:52,438 -So, so-- Yeah. -Yeah? 239 00:12:52,521 --> 00:12:56,525 So, making decisions isn't necessarily my strong suit. 240 00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:57,651 I know that, buddy. 241 00:12:57,735 --> 00:13:01,030 You once had a panic attack at a Make Your Own Sundae bar. 242 00:13:01,113 --> 00:13:04,283 There were too many toppings and very early in the process, 243 00:13:04,366 --> 00:13:06,827 you had to commit to a chocolate palette or a fruit palette. 244 00:13:06,911 --> 00:13:09,705 If you couldn't decide, you wound up with kiwi, Junior Mint, raisin, 245 00:13:09,788 --> 00:13:11,081 and it ruins everyone's night. 246 00:13:11,165 --> 00:13:15,461 Chidi, I am so sorry. I literally cannot choose for you. 247 00:13:15,544 --> 00:13:17,922 This has to be your decision. 248 00:13:18,005 --> 00:13:19,882 Buddy, you gotta trust me. 249 00:13:20,716 --> 00:13:24,345 I would never place you in a painful situation. 250 00:13:24,929 --> 00:13:26,805 Great. [clears throat] 251 00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:28,224 You ready, Chidi? 252 00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:29,308 [mouthing] Perfect. 253 00:13:29,391 --> 00:13:33,479 Here you go, Chidi. One slice of Hawaiian straight out the oven for ya. 254 00:13:33,562 --> 00:13:35,564 I'm Denise. Welcome to my pizza place. 255 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:38,651 -Thanks, Denise. -And here's one for you. Have a nice day. 256 00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:42,571 It's interesting that Hawaiian pizza's so popular here. 257 00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,907 Yeah, I guess a lot of the residents love it. 258 00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:48,327 Makes you wonder what type of pizza they have in the Bad Place, huh? 259 00:13:48,410 --> 00:13:49,578 [both chuckle] 260 00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:52,039 So, I can't believe you studied in Brisbane. 261 00:13:52,122 --> 00:13:54,917 We must've just missed each other. What was your thesis on? 262 00:13:55,000 --> 00:14:00,381 Oh, gosh. It was so boring. It was called, "Cultural Relativism and Moral Absolutism: 263 00:14:00,464 --> 00:14:03,801 An Exploration of Values As Seen Through the Works of Alain LeRoy Locke 264 00:14:03,884 --> 00:14:05,886 -and Immanuel Kant." -And Immanuel Kant! 265 00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:07,596 Shut up. You read it? 266 00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:10,933 No, but that pairing is the most obvious pairing 267 00:14:11,016 --> 00:14:14,687 to employ in a paper with that title, and I wanna read it so bad. 268 00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:16,689 What about Morocco? 269 00:14:16,772 --> 00:14:18,274 You ever travel there? 270 00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:19,817 [clicks tongue] 271 00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:23,487 No. 272 00:14:24,738 --> 00:14:27,199 What about anywhere else? You been anywhere else? 273 00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:28,534 No. 274 00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:34,039 So, first impressions? Anyone? 275 00:14:34,123 --> 00:14:36,292 I kinda wanna hear what Chidi thinks. 276 00:14:37,334 --> 00:14:42,423 Well, um, I mean, you're both brilliant, accomplished women, 277 00:14:42,506 --> 00:14:43,507 and Pedro, you're great, too. 278 00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:47,011 Just amazing people. I'm surrounded. [exclaims and chuckles] 279 00:14:47,094 --> 00:14:51,348 But if I had to say who I, sort of, 280 00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:55,436 immediately bonded to on a gut level, 281 00:14:55,519 --> 00:14:58,230 I think I would say that 282 00:14:58,314 --> 00:15:02,359 I kind of feel like my soulmate is Angélique-- 283 00:15:02,443 --> 00:15:05,779 [panting] Wait! Wait! 284 00:15:05,863 --> 00:15:07,740 There was a mistake in the calculations. 285 00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:11,702 We had a four-hour time gap in your profiles on May 10, 2003. 286 00:15:11,785 --> 00:15:16,415 I corrected that day's events for all of you, and ran the numbers again. 287 00:15:16,498 --> 00:15:21,587 And the final result proves definitively that Pedro is Angélique's soulmate, 288 00:15:21,670 --> 00:15:24,465 and, Chidi, your soulmate is Pevita. 289 00:15:25,049 --> 00:15:26,800 That was close. [chuckles] 290 00:15:28,552 --> 00:15:30,679 Hey. You guys hadn't made a decision yet, had you? 291 00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:32,264 No, we did not. 292 00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:34,016 No one said anything, I didn't hear anything, 293 00:15:34,099 --> 00:15:36,852 and I certainly didn't say anything. That's for darn sure. 294 00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:39,980 [both laugh] 295 00:15:45,069 --> 00:15:48,656 Okay. All right. See you later. 296 00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:54,662 This is fun. It's a fun party. 297 00:15:54,745 --> 00:15:57,498 There's no question about it. This is a fun situation. 298 00:15:58,374 --> 00:16:02,336 Hey. You guys are here. The fun continues, nay, increases. 299 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:04,713 You two look nice. 300 00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:07,174 Thanks. And you look... 301 00:16:09,551 --> 00:16:10,427 fine. 302 00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:12,930 Would I say you look better than anyone else here? 303 00:16:13,013 --> 00:16:15,641 No, I wouldn't say that. Do you look bad? No. 304 00:16:15,724 --> 00:16:18,978 But good, would I go as far to say is, you look good? Doubtful. 305 00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:19,895 Hey, wine. 306 00:16:20,896 --> 00:16:22,439 Mmm. Uh... 307 00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:24,108 Do I feel like red or white? 308 00:16:24,692 --> 00:16:28,195 Deep down in your heart of hearts, you already know which one you want. 309 00:16:30,906 --> 00:16:32,408 Why isn't anyone talking? 310 00:16:32,491 --> 00:16:34,284 Janet, could you show me to the bar, please? 311 00:16:40,749 --> 00:16:45,963 Oh! Hey. Chidi, right? Denise. We met earlier, remember? 312 00:16:46,547 --> 00:16:50,300 -Oh, yeah. Hi. Are you limping? -Yeah, I am. 313 00:16:50,384 --> 00:16:51,719 Crazy story. 314 00:16:51,802 --> 00:16:55,139 See, I was a trapeze artist in an illegal circus in Bangladesh-- 315 00:16:55,222 --> 00:16:57,891 -Angélique. -Hey, how are you doing? 316 00:16:58,892 --> 00:17:01,520 [chuckles] Oh, well, you know... 317 00:17:02,396 --> 00:17:04,857 stomach's in knots, I'm stress-grinding my teeth, 318 00:17:04,940 --> 00:17:06,984 and it feels like my soul is being suffocated. 319 00:17:07,067 --> 00:17:10,112 You know, your standard paradise stuff. How about you? 320 00:17:10,195 --> 00:17:12,698 It's been a little uncomfortable. 321 00:17:12,781 --> 00:17:17,244 I think Pedro maybe heard you say that thing you were gonna say. 322 00:17:17,327 --> 00:17:19,663 Oh, no. I'm so sorry, I... 323 00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:23,333 But I have to ask, do you feel the way I feel? 324 00:17:23,417 --> 00:17:25,627 -We can't talk about this. -I know, 325 00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:29,506 but if the numbers were that close, I think I'm supposed to be with-- 326 00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:33,260 Stop. Please don't make this harder than it already is, Chidi. 327 00:17:37,181 --> 00:17:38,057 These are for you. 328 00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:41,769 Hi. Is your name Chidi? 329 00:17:42,811 --> 00:17:45,355 -Yes? -Ah! I knew you weren't a soup! 330 00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:48,317 -What? -Listen to me very carefully. 331 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:52,446 My name is Eleanor Shellstrop. We need to talk. 332 00:17:52,529 --> 00:17:54,573 -About what? -Just shut your mouth, 333 00:17:54,656 --> 00:17:56,575 smile at me and walk over here. 334 00:17:56,658 --> 00:18:00,829 Okay, you're definitely my least favorite person I've met so far. 335 00:18:01,413 --> 00:18:03,082 I'm sorry, this is not a good time. 336 00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:04,124 I'm in the middle of something-- 337 00:18:04,208 --> 00:18:07,586 Dude, I'm guessing we have about 30 seconds to talk before someone notices. 338 00:18:07,669 --> 00:18:12,091 When I got here, some robot lady appeared out of thin air and gave me this. 339 00:18:12,174 --> 00:18:14,468 -You mean Janet. -[groans] That's it. Janet. 340 00:18:14,551 --> 00:18:17,054 -Hi, there. -Not now, Janet. Buzz off. 341 00:18:17,137 --> 00:18:18,138 Okay. 342 00:18:18,222 --> 00:18:22,309 Now, I have no memory of writing this, but it is my handwriting. 343 00:18:22,893 --> 00:18:24,144 That's your name, right? 344 00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:26,980 So, for some reason, at some point, 345 00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:31,610 I put this note into... that whatever-lady's robot mouth. 346 00:18:31,693 --> 00:18:32,945 You already forgot her name. 347 00:18:33,028 --> 00:18:37,574 No, I didn't. Her name is Janet. 348 00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:39,076 -Hi, there. -[gasps] Fork off. 349 00:18:39,159 --> 00:18:39,993 Okay. 350 00:18:40,577 --> 00:18:43,497 From the second I got here, these nerds have been acting real weird, 351 00:18:43,580 --> 00:18:45,165 trying to get me drunk. 352 00:18:45,249 --> 00:18:47,918 My soulmate ditches me every time I try to talk to him. 353 00:18:48,001 --> 00:18:52,673 And this Zen master guy gave me this magic bracelet thing. 354 00:18:52,756 --> 00:18:54,424 And then he just ran away. 355 00:18:54,508 --> 00:18:58,637 Something very strange is going on here, and the only person I trust is me. 356 00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:02,349 And me told me to find you. So, what's the deal? 357 00:19:02,432 --> 00:19:03,433 What's happening? What do you got? 358 00:19:04,935 --> 00:19:10,315 Okay. Look, I'm sorry, but none of this means anything to me, 359 00:19:10,399 --> 00:19:13,152 and I've got my own problems to deal with. I'm sorry. I can't help you. 360 00:19:14,653 --> 00:19:18,657 -Attention, everyone! Speech time. -[glass chimes] 361 00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:22,870 You're probably not a magic wizard trapped in an amulet. 362 00:19:22,953 --> 00:19:25,914 But if you are, please get me out of this speech. 363 00:19:34,214 --> 00:19:36,633 Tahani, come on in. 364 00:19:37,968 --> 00:19:39,928 You're in the Good Place, Tahani. 365 00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:42,848 [exclaims] What a surprise! 366 00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:46,143 But, yes, I accept. 367 00:19:46,226 --> 00:19:49,062 This is your soulmate, Tomás. 368 00:19:49,146 --> 00:19:52,941 Now, Tomás was a doctor with the International Rescue Alliance, 369 00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:57,196 and you raised money that ultimately funded his medical mission. 370 00:19:57,279 --> 00:19:59,364 It's just so perfect. 371 00:19:59,448 --> 00:20:01,992 -It's lovely to meet you, Tahani. -Charmed, I'm... 372 00:20:02,075 --> 00:20:03,285 Short. 373 00:20:04,369 --> 00:20:05,913 I'm sorry, did I just say "short"? 374 00:20:05,996 --> 00:20:10,292 I meant to say, "Charmed, I'm sure." Because I am charmed to meet you. 375 00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:12,628 It's just an unfortunate Freudian short. [chuckles] 376 00:20:15,297 --> 00:20:16,673 Shall we? 377 00:20:18,508 --> 00:20:20,469 Where did you attend medical short? 378 00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:25,432 So, this is the living room, as well as the kitchen and the bedroom. 379 00:20:26,141 --> 00:20:28,435 -It's so cozy. -[chuckles] 380 00:20:29,019 --> 00:20:31,438 I feel like the walls are hugging me. 381 00:20:31,521 --> 00:20:36,068 Michael, I don't mean to be rude, but this is simply absurd. 382 00:20:36,151 --> 00:20:39,488 Yes. Thank you. I didn't want to say anything, but-- 383 00:20:39,571 --> 00:20:42,491 There's only two of us. We don't need all this space. 384 00:20:42,574 --> 00:20:43,951 "All this space"? 385 00:20:44,034 --> 00:20:47,788 Of course, you two humanitarians don't want anything extravagant. 386 00:20:47,871 --> 00:20:49,122 I'll get rid of the second floor. 387 00:20:50,707 --> 00:20:52,876 Okay. I'll let you two have some alone time. 388 00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:54,336 I'll see you at the party. 389 00:20:57,297 --> 00:21:00,884 Well, it certainly is quite quaint. It's just... 390 00:21:02,052 --> 00:21:06,598 fun... I dare say, even quite charming... Oh, no. 391 00:21:07,599 --> 00:21:10,686 -What's the matter? -Sorry, it's just a self-portrait 392 00:21:10,769 --> 00:21:12,145 of my sister. 393 00:21:12,980 --> 00:21:13,814 Wonderful. 394 00:21:13,897 --> 00:21:16,108 Your sister is Kamilah Al-Jamil? 395 00:21:16,191 --> 00:21:17,901 I used to play her music for my patients. 396 00:21:17,985 --> 00:21:21,530 At times, it felt like Kamilah's songs were curing the malaria for us. 397 00:21:22,364 --> 00:21:23,657 Great. 398 00:21:24,825 --> 00:21:27,411 Well, I best be getting changed for tonight. 399 00:21:27,494 --> 00:21:29,830 I can hardly wear a day dress to an evening event. 400 00:21:29,913 --> 00:21:32,124 Sounds good. I'm ready whenever you are. 401 00:21:33,583 --> 00:21:36,461 -Is that what you're wearing? -Oh, yeah. 402 00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:40,382 My years treating remote villagers taught me to favor comfort over style. 403 00:21:40,465 --> 00:21:42,843 But you should wear whatever you prefer. 404 00:21:42,926 --> 00:21:46,305 Well, I mean, as we are soulmates, 405 00:21:46,388 --> 00:21:48,140 perhaps, I should also... 406 00:21:49,182 --> 00:21:50,851 dress down. 407 00:21:55,981 --> 00:21:57,357 You all right, my dear? 408 00:21:58,358 --> 00:22:02,154 Yes. Just not used to dressing like a plumber-ess. 409 00:22:03,113 --> 00:22:06,116 Is that what you call a female plumber, or is it a toilet sweep? 410 00:22:06,700 --> 00:22:08,285 Or clog wench? 411 00:22:08,785 --> 00:22:11,538 [chuckles] In any case, that's how I'm dressed. 412 00:22:11,621 --> 00:22:17,919 My darling, you are in the Good Place. Relax. Feel the breeze on your feet. 413 00:22:18,503 --> 00:22:21,465 That's why Crocs have holes in them. I'll get us a drink. 414 00:22:21,548 --> 00:22:23,383 Lower that beautiful face for me, won't you? 415 00:22:23,467 --> 00:22:26,845 -Lower, lower, lower, lower, lower... -Okay. 416 00:22:29,723 --> 00:22:31,016 Tahani, you all right? 417 00:22:31,099 --> 00:22:35,562 Michael, hello. Yes, I'm having a splendid time. 418 00:22:36,313 --> 00:22:39,983 Although, if I'm being honest, a few aspects of my day 419 00:22:40,067 --> 00:22:42,319 have been sub-optimal. 420 00:22:42,402 --> 00:22:44,613 Really? Like what? 421 00:22:44,696 --> 00:22:49,076 [sighs] Well, my house is a bit small, which is fine. 422 00:22:49,159 --> 00:22:53,121 It's just not what I'm used to. And Tomás is lovely, 423 00:22:53,205 --> 00:22:58,085 but we haven't really "clicked" yet, to use a mundane colloquialism, 424 00:22:58,168 --> 00:23:03,256 which I suppose I should do, now that I'm wearing cargo pants. 425 00:23:03,340 --> 00:23:07,552 Tahani, it's very common to experience adjustment pains. 426 00:23:07,636 --> 00:23:11,723 But the system matched you and Tomás. And the system is never wrong. 427 00:23:12,724 --> 00:23:14,768 But guess what? This is the Good Place. 428 00:23:14,851 --> 00:23:17,229 If you want your house to be larger, then just ask. 429 00:23:17,312 --> 00:23:19,689 Do you want something this big? 430 00:23:19,773 --> 00:23:21,775 Or maybe bigger, like the Taj Mahal. 431 00:23:21,858 --> 00:23:24,236 I know, I know. How about a moon? 432 00:23:24,319 --> 00:23:26,530 Would you like to live on your own private moon? 433 00:23:26,613 --> 00:23:29,908 No. No. No. My house is wonderful. 434 00:23:29,991 --> 00:23:33,411 It's so silly to want a bigger house, of all things, 435 00:23:33,495 --> 00:23:36,540 here in paradise. So, no. No changes needed. 436 00:23:36,623 --> 00:23:39,584 Okay. But if you change your mind, just ask. 437 00:23:39,668 --> 00:23:42,254 Because all the other residents are very happy, 438 00:23:42,337 --> 00:23:46,466 so it'll give me plenty of time to deal with whatever requests you make. 439 00:23:46,550 --> 00:23:51,346 No demand is too, what's the word, frivolous. Okay? 440 00:23:51,930 --> 00:23:53,723 Wow. That is rough. 441 00:23:57,936 --> 00:24:00,105 [Angélique] Please don't make this harder than it already is, Chidi. 442 00:24:04,025 --> 00:24:06,945 These are for you. Drink up. 443 00:24:07,028 --> 00:24:10,824 -No, no. I-- -[chuckles] Hey! Twinsies. 444 00:24:11,408 --> 00:24:15,078 -I'm sorry? -Look. Cargo pants buddies. 445 00:24:16,246 --> 00:24:17,914 [chuckles] I bet we have a lot in common. 446 00:24:17,998 --> 00:24:22,252 I was a garbage man in Winnipeg. How about you? 447 00:24:22,836 --> 00:24:24,129 Okay. 448 00:24:25,589 --> 00:24:27,048 Crocs also? 449 00:24:27,132 --> 00:24:28,884 [glass chimes] 450 00:24:28,967 --> 00:24:30,051 Speech time! 451 00:24:30,135 --> 00:24:32,971 You're probably not a magic wizard trapped in an amulet. 452 00:24:33,054 --> 00:24:35,015 But if you are, please get me out of this speech. 453 00:24:35,098 --> 00:24:38,101 I've asked our top point-getter here to say a few words. 454 00:24:38,185 --> 00:24:40,478 So, take it away, Eleanor. 455 00:24:40,562 --> 00:24:41,646 [all applaud] 456 00:24:47,110 --> 00:24:51,698 -The dictionary defines "best" as being-- -Oh, God. Boring. 457 00:24:52,532 --> 00:24:54,492 I'd like to say a few words if nobody minds. 458 00:24:55,076 --> 00:24:56,036 Thank you, wizard. 459 00:24:56,119 --> 00:24:59,164 I am Tahani. Tahani am me. 460 00:24:59,247 --> 00:25:03,001 And even though I wasn't a "number one point-getter," 461 00:25:03,084 --> 00:25:05,295 I want to welcome you all to the neighborhood. 462 00:25:05,378 --> 00:25:09,382 You all look so beautiful tonight with your regular-size pockets, 463 00:25:10,383 --> 00:25:11,843 regular-size soulmates... 464 00:25:12,427 --> 00:25:14,512 No offense, darling, wherever you are. 465 00:25:14,596 --> 00:25:16,097 Probably somewhere down there. 466 00:25:16,181 --> 00:25:19,684 Why don't you try to ease her off the stage and take over? 467 00:25:19,768 --> 00:25:22,854 The point is, we're all good people, right? 468 00:25:22,938 --> 00:25:25,899 We all did the right thing, whenever we could. 469 00:25:25,982 --> 00:25:30,320 And that's why it's so nice to be here among you in this massive house 470 00:25:30,403 --> 00:25:34,991 that I want. I want this house. Give it. [laughs] 471 00:25:35,075 --> 00:25:37,494 No, I'm kidding. But really, give me the house. 472 00:25:37,577 --> 00:25:40,247 Hey there, hot stuff. Can I get you a cup of coffee? 473 00:25:40,330 --> 00:25:44,334 Get your hands off me. You think you're better than I am, don't you? 474 00:25:44,417 --> 00:25:45,335 Just 'cause you're wearing that. 475 00:25:45,418 --> 00:25:47,921 Look at that terrible placement and angle. 476 00:25:48,004 --> 00:25:49,547 Is this your first time wearing a sash? 477 00:25:49,631 --> 00:25:52,467 Yeah. It is. But I think if we all just take a break-- 478 00:25:52,550 --> 00:25:53,718 Give it to me! 479 00:25:53,802 --> 00:25:56,221 -[all gasp] -[crashing] 480 00:25:58,598 --> 00:26:00,642 I got her off the stage. 481 00:26:08,566 --> 00:26:10,860 Jianyu, come on in. 482 00:26:12,112 --> 00:26:14,906 Before we start, I know you were a Buddhist monk 483 00:26:14,990 --> 00:26:16,741 who kept a vow of silence. 484 00:26:16,825 --> 00:26:20,620 Would you prefer to remain silent here, as well? 485 00:26:23,540 --> 00:26:26,626 Every resident here in the Good Place has a soulmate. 486 00:26:26,710 --> 00:26:30,672 Now, some of the pairings are platonic, some are romantic. 487 00:26:30,755 --> 00:26:34,050 But what you have with your soulmate is unique. 488 00:26:34,134 --> 00:26:39,639 You have a spiritual connection that transcends the physical realm. 489 00:26:41,182 --> 00:26:43,810 This person's gonna be your best bud. 490 00:26:49,691 --> 00:26:53,945 Jianyu, let me introduce you to your soulmate, Luang. 491 00:26:54,029 --> 00:26:58,283 He is also a Buddhist monk from the Lumbini zone of Nepal 492 00:26:58,366 --> 00:27:01,244 You and Luang share an identical soul. 493 00:27:01,328 --> 00:27:07,000 Like binary stars, orbiting one another in a perfect reflective harmony. 494 00:27:07,083 --> 00:27:10,879 You won't ever have a single moment of loneliness 495 00:27:10,962 --> 00:27:14,215 because you'll always be right next to each other. 496 00:27:14,299 --> 00:27:15,300 For eternity. 497 00:27:16,384 --> 00:27:18,553 I'll let you two get acquainted. 498 00:27:18,636 --> 00:27:22,891 I'm sure you have a lot to not talk about. [chuckles] 499 00:27:22,974 --> 00:27:25,852 Because... Well, you get it, you get it. 500 00:27:47,749 --> 00:27:48,750 [sighs] 501 00:28:14,025 --> 00:28:16,027 Oh! Sorry. I didn't see you. 502 00:28:16,611 --> 00:28:18,738 Chidi? Are you Chidi? 503 00:28:22,534 --> 00:28:24,202 Eleanor? What are you up to? 504 00:28:24,285 --> 00:28:25,954 Oh! Hey there, Michael. 505 00:28:26,955 --> 00:28:29,165 Just getting to know everyone in the neighborhood. 506 00:28:30,083 --> 00:28:31,918 Who was that mysterious gentleman? 507 00:28:51,771 --> 00:28:54,065 Hello, you beautiful spirits. 508 00:28:54,149 --> 00:28:56,526 Can I offer you two something to drink? 509 00:28:56,609 --> 00:28:57,819 -Janet. -Hi, there. 510 00:28:59,237 --> 00:29:03,450 This is Janet. Now, she can get you literally anything you want. 511 00:29:03,533 --> 00:29:05,118 All you have to do is ask. 512 00:29:05,201 --> 00:29:08,079 Of course, you two won't ever want anything 513 00:29:08,163 --> 00:29:10,790 because you're perfectly content. 514 00:29:11,791 --> 00:29:16,421 Oh, I know. How about something special? Janet, two yak's milks, please. 515 00:29:16,504 --> 00:29:17,964 Enjoy. 516 00:29:35,064 --> 00:29:36,733 [glass chimes] 517 00:29:36,816 --> 00:29:37,984 Speech time! 518 00:29:38,067 --> 00:29:40,653 -If we all take a break-- -Give it to me! 519 00:29:40,737 --> 00:29:43,156 -[all gasp] -[crashing] 520 00:29:43,740 --> 00:29:44,949 I got her off the stage. 521 00:29:45,033 --> 00:29:47,452 Tahani? Are you all right? 522 00:29:47,535 --> 00:29:49,954 Yes. Fine. Never better. 523 00:29:50,038 --> 00:29:52,207 Top of my game, actually. 524 00:29:52,290 --> 00:29:54,501 You'll have to excuse me. I've got to go. 525 00:29:54,584 --> 00:29:57,587 Look. Got some shrimp... 526 00:29:57,670 --> 00:30:01,716 in one of my many, many cargo pants pockets. 527 00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:05,011 -[cries] -What the fork is happening? 528 00:30:10,683 --> 00:30:12,644 Okay, here we go. 529 00:30:12,727 --> 00:30:14,229 How's it going, boss man? 530 00:30:14,312 --> 00:30:16,981 Enough chit-chat. Is everything in place for version two? 531 00:30:17,065 --> 00:30:21,152 Yep. I've thought of everything. I won't let you down. 532 00:30:21,236 --> 00:30:23,363 I'm hoping you could say a few words 533 00:30:23,446 --> 00:30:26,699 at tonight's welcome party to introduce yourself? 534 00:30:26,783 --> 00:30:28,910 How can I say no? [chuckles] 535 00:30:28,993 --> 00:30:34,415 So cozy. I feel like the walls are hugging me. 536 00:30:35,542 --> 00:30:39,587 How about something special? Janet, two yak's milks, please. 537 00:30:40,713 --> 00:30:42,215 Why isn't anyone talking? 538 00:30:42,298 --> 00:30:44,133 [Chidi] Janet, could you show me to the bar, please? 539 00:30:46,970 --> 00:30:49,347 Michael, may I please speak with you privately? 540 00:30:49,430 --> 00:30:50,723 Sure. Sure. 541 00:30:52,308 --> 00:30:58,231 It just feels like I used to be "real" Eleanor, and now I'm Denise. 542 00:30:58,314 --> 00:31:01,693 Denise is a good part, with a great backstory. 543 00:31:02,277 --> 00:31:06,614 You run the best pizza place in the neighborhood. 544 00:31:06,698 --> 00:31:09,951 You have a cat, and that's cool. 545 00:31:10,034 --> 00:31:13,705 I took this job because it seemed fun and different, 546 00:31:13,788 --> 00:31:16,583 and in the original version, I got to break Chidi's heart 547 00:31:16,666 --> 00:31:21,254 20 times and it was great. I mean, he was miserable. 548 00:31:21,337 --> 00:31:24,924 And now Angélique gets to torture him? 549 00:31:25,008 --> 00:31:28,761 Angélique is a hack. I can act circles around her. 550 00:31:28,845 --> 00:31:30,471 But I have nothing to do. 551 00:31:30,555 --> 00:31:33,057 I am a Ferrari, okay? 552 00:31:33,141 --> 00:31:36,352 And you don’t keep a Ferrari in the garage. 553 00:31:36,436 --> 00:31:38,938 I hear your concern. I do. And I promise you, 554 00:31:39,022 --> 00:31:44,360 there is a great arc coming for Denise, the pizza lady, in about 80 years or so. 555 00:31:44,444 --> 00:31:47,780 Chidi is going to accidentally kill your cat. 556 00:31:47,864 --> 00:31:50,491 It's gonna give you a great chance to shine. 557 00:31:50,575 --> 00:31:54,037 Can I just have something that makes me stand out? 558 00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:58,124 A mysterious past or a limp? I want a limp. 559 00:31:58,207 --> 00:31:59,876 This is supposed to be the Good Place. Why would you-- 560 00:32:02,045 --> 00:32:07,008 Okay. No, I hear you. I tell you what. Go nuts, right? Limp your heart out. 561 00:32:08,885 --> 00:32:11,554 Hey. Chidi, right? 562 00:32:11,638 --> 00:32:13,848 Hi. Are you limping? 563 00:32:16,309 --> 00:32:18,728 -How's it going? -We're having some trouble with Eleanor. 564 00:32:18,811 --> 00:32:21,648 She's not engaging in conversation. She's not drinking. 565 00:32:21,731 --> 00:32:23,107 Eleanor's not drinking? 566 00:32:23,983 --> 00:32:27,695 She brought a flask in the car during her driver's test. 567 00:32:28,279 --> 00:32:30,239 Okay, we need to keep things moving here. 568 00:32:30,323 --> 00:32:32,825 I'm about to make her talk for an hour. 569 00:32:32,909 --> 00:32:34,869 She'll definitely end up insulting somebody. 570 00:32:34,953 --> 00:32:36,245 [glass chimes] 571 00:32:36,329 --> 00:32:37,497 Speech time! 572 00:32:37,580 --> 00:32:39,624 We're all good people, right? 573 00:32:39,707 --> 00:32:42,669 We all did the right thing, whenever we could. 574 00:32:42,752 --> 00:32:45,338 -If we all take a break-- -Give it to me! 575 00:32:45,421 --> 00:32:47,840 -[all gasp] -[crashing] 576 00:32:47,924 --> 00:32:50,259 Tahani? Are you all right? 577 00:32:50,343 --> 00:32:52,637 [Tahani] Yes. Fine. Never better. 578 00:32:52,720 --> 00:32:54,180 -You'll have to excuse me. -Come here. 579 00:32:54,263 --> 00:32:56,099 [Tahani] I've got to go. 580 00:32:57,183 --> 00:32:59,477 -What the fork, man? -I know that book. 581 00:33:00,061 --> 00:33:03,314 Is that a nerd pickup line? Because it's only kind of working. 582 00:33:03,398 --> 00:33:05,441 No. The note you showed me before? 583 00:33:06,401 --> 00:33:09,821 Right, this is from a book called What We Owe to Each Other. 584 00:33:09,904 --> 00:33:12,490 I used to teach it. I was a professor of ethics and moral philosophy. 585 00:33:12,573 --> 00:33:14,367 -All right, brag much? -I'm trying to help you. 586 00:33:14,450 --> 00:33:15,493 Sorry. Okay. 587 00:33:15,576 --> 00:33:22,417 I've never seen you before in my life, but I think, somehow, we know each other. 588 00:33:25,336 --> 00:33:28,589 That definitely sounded like a pickup line, and I'm not not interested, 589 00:33:28,673 --> 00:33:30,550 but we need to figure this out first. 590 00:33:31,634 --> 00:33:36,180 It's not that bad, right? I mean, we got a drunken speech. That's good. 591 00:33:36,264 --> 00:33:39,267 No. It isn't. 592 00:33:39,350 --> 00:33:42,478 Tahani gave the drunken speech instead of Eleanor. 593 00:33:42,562 --> 00:33:45,440 We can't build a chaos sequence out of Tahani's speech 594 00:33:45,523 --> 00:33:50,028 because she thinks she belongs here, ya ding-dong. 595 00:33:50,820 --> 00:33:53,865 Okay. We can still salvage this. Where's Eleanor? 596 00:33:54,574 --> 00:33:57,118 She's gone. I can't find her anywhere. 597 00:33:57,201 --> 00:33:59,662 Maybe she left with Chidi? He's gone, too. 598 00:33:59,746 --> 00:34:02,999 -What? -Or maybe she left with Jason. 599 00:34:03,082 --> 00:34:06,419 You lost Jason? How's that even possible? 600 00:34:06,502 --> 00:34:09,505 Your only job is to stand next to that idiot. 601 00:34:09,589 --> 00:34:13,259 I got distracted by the fire. I love fire. 602 00:34:13,342 --> 00:34:16,471 You know, my main job is to burn people with fire. 603 00:34:16,554 --> 00:34:17,638 What's up, guys? 604 00:34:17,722 --> 00:34:19,640 What are you doing here? Why aren't you with Eleanor? 605 00:34:19,724 --> 00:34:21,601 I told her I was going to the gym again. 606 00:34:22,185 --> 00:34:25,021 Why would you say that in the middle of a party? 607 00:34:25,104 --> 00:34:26,564 -You told me to. -No. I didn't. 608 00:34:26,647 --> 00:34:29,192 You said, if Eleanor tries to confess she doesn't belong here, 609 00:34:29,275 --> 00:34:32,070 find a reason to avoid her. Like saying, "I'm going to the gym." 610 00:34:32,153 --> 00:34:33,112 That's what I've been saying. 611 00:34:33,196 --> 00:34:37,366 That was a suggestion of the type of thing you could say. Don't... 612 00:34:39,035 --> 00:34:43,748 How many times have you specifically told her you were going to the gym? 613 00:34:44,332 --> 00:34:47,126 Five... No, nine. 614 00:34:47,210 --> 00:34:48,336 You dimwit! 615 00:34:48,419 --> 00:34:52,965 Hey, man. I was perfectly happy in my old job in the twisting department. 616 00:34:53,049 --> 00:34:56,052 People came in, and I'd twist them until they snapped in half, 617 00:34:56,135 --> 00:35:00,139 and I'd move on to the next one. But this job is weird! 618 00:35:00,223 --> 00:35:02,642 -[all agreeing] -It's all talk, no twisting. 619 00:35:02,725 --> 00:35:04,811 If you don't like the way I do it, get somebody else. 620 00:35:04,894 --> 00:35:06,270 I'm going to the gym! 621 00:35:06,354 --> 00:35:08,481 Fine. Yeah, you do that. You go to the gym. 622 00:35:09,065 --> 00:35:10,483 Okay. We can still pull this off. 623 00:35:10,566 --> 00:35:13,194 We just need to find the four humans. Okay? 624 00:35:13,277 --> 00:35:14,612 [claps] Okay. 625 00:35:14,695 --> 00:35:16,823 [chuckles] Right now. 626 00:35:18,658 --> 00:35:23,913 Everyone in this room, find those four humans! 627 00:35:26,707 --> 00:35:28,835 Are you gonna talk or walk around like a nerd 628 00:35:28,918 --> 00:35:31,170 trying to get a personal best on his Fitbit? 629 00:35:31,254 --> 00:35:35,842 I'm sorry. I'm trying to process a tremendous amount of insane information. 630 00:35:35,925 --> 00:35:37,635 I mean, you're not supposed to be here. 631 00:35:37,718 --> 00:35:41,806 But you and I clearly met here somehow before now. 632 00:35:41,889 --> 00:35:44,225 Does that mean I'm not supposed to be here? 633 00:35:44,308 --> 00:35:47,145 I don't know, dude. Were you a good person on Earth? 634 00:35:47,228 --> 00:35:50,606 I think so. I spent my life in pursuit of fundamental truths about the... 635 00:35:50,690 --> 00:35:51,941 [gasps] Oh, no! 636 00:35:53,276 --> 00:35:54,944 I used almond milk in my coffee, 637 00:35:55,027 --> 00:35:57,363 even though I knew about the negative environmental impact. 638 00:35:57,446 --> 00:35:58,489 What? 639 00:35:58,573 --> 00:36:01,367 -Eleanor, what do we do? -I don't know, dude! 640 00:36:01,450 --> 00:36:05,204 But we better figure it out soon or we're doomed. 641 00:36:13,588 --> 00:36:15,798 -Uh... Janet? -Hi, there, Jianyu. 642 00:36:15,882 --> 00:36:17,175 Hi, Janet. 643 00:36:17,884 --> 00:36:19,802 -Can I tell you something? -Sure. 644 00:36:19,886 --> 00:36:24,390 I'm not Jianyu. And I'm not a silent monk. 645 00:36:24,473 --> 00:36:26,267 My real name is Jason. 646 00:36:26,350 --> 00:36:29,353 I don't know what's going on. I got here and Michael said I'm a monk, 647 00:36:29,437 --> 00:36:31,480 and he told me I was gonna have a new best friend, 648 00:36:31,564 --> 00:36:33,524 and that we were going to live in a yogurt. 649 00:36:33,608 --> 00:36:35,985 -A yurt. -Oh, yeah. Yurt, for short. 650 00:36:36,068 --> 00:36:37,862 I was psyched to meet my new best friend. 651 00:36:37,945 --> 00:36:42,909 But he turned out to be this weird silent guy that won't leave me alone. 652 00:36:42,992 --> 00:36:47,955 I don't want to go back to my yogurt. Can I go to your house? 653 00:36:48,039 --> 00:36:52,084 I don't have a house, Jason. I live in a boundless void. 654 00:36:52,168 --> 00:36:53,377 Can I go there? 655 00:36:53,461 --> 00:36:56,339 No. It's a boundless void. 656 00:36:57,381 --> 00:36:59,884 -Okay. -So, what you're saying is, 657 00:36:59,967 --> 00:37:03,095 there are certain aspects of your existence here in the Good Place 658 00:37:03,179 --> 00:37:04,639 that are confusing for you? 659 00:37:04,722 --> 00:37:08,768 And you're searching for someplace to go where you feel less lonely. 660 00:37:10,061 --> 00:37:11,187 I know somewhere you could go. 661 00:37:15,024 --> 00:37:16,234 Why did you do that? 662 00:37:16,317 --> 00:37:19,320 Because you were nice to me. You're my friend. 663 00:37:19,403 --> 00:37:20,655 Okay. 664 00:37:23,324 --> 00:37:24,325 [Jianyu] Okay. 665 00:37:25,451 --> 00:37:27,703 If we got all the way to Scanlon, 666 00:37:27,787 --> 00:37:31,374 we must have been studying very intensely for a long time. 667 00:37:31,457 --> 00:37:34,835 Or you grabbed a random book of mine, and tore a page out. 668 00:37:34,919 --> 00:37:36,837 I'll be honest. That sounds more like me. 669 00:37:36,921 --> 00:37:38,422 -[rapid knocking] -Ah! 670 00:37:39,131 --> 00:37:41,842 Eleanor and Chidi. What a pleasant surprise. 671 00:37:41,926 --> 00:37:43,719 I'm so happy you two have met. 672 00:37:43,803 --> 00:37:48,474 I'm just going door-to-door, apologizing for the commotion earlier tonight. 673 00:37:48,557 --> 00:37:52,103 The first night in the afterlife can be a little overwhelming. 674 00:37:52,186 --> 00:37:54,563 Don't worry about us, Michael. We are doing fine. 675 00:37:54,647 --> 00:37:56,440 Oh, good. Glad to hear that. 676 00:37:56,524 --> 00:37:57,817 Well, it's getting late. 677 00:37:57,900 --> 00:38:01,112 Chidi, allow me to escort you back to your house. 678 00:38:02,029 --> 00:38:04,323 Hello, all. Sorry for the late hour. 679 00:38:04,407 --> 00:38:07,410 Eleanor, I wanted to stop by and give you back your sash. 680 00:38:07,493 --> 00:38:10,997 -That's okay. You can just keep it. -No! I don't deserve it. 681 00:38:11,080 --> 00:38:14,458 I made a complete fool of myself tonight. I interrupted your big speech, 682 00:38:14,542 --> 00:38:18,963 badly stained my cargo pants which, I have to admit, are quite comfortable. 683 00:38:19,046 --> 00:38:23,467 Oh, God, what's happened to me? I'm praising off-the-rack separates. 684 00:38:23,551 --> 00:38:25,261 Tahani, please, it's late. What we should do-- 685 00:38:25,344 --> 00:38:29,348 No. Look, ever since I got here, it feels like something's been off. 686 00:38:29,432 --> 00:38:33,519 Tahani. There you are. I've been worried sick about you. 687 00:38:33,602 --> 00:38:35,146 [Eleanor] That's her soulmate? 688 00:38:35,229 --> 00:38:38,190 Is there a second one of him that stands on his shoulders? 689 00:38:38,274 --> 00:38:41,360 Chidi, there you are. I've been worried sick about you. 690 00:38:41,444 --> 00:38:45,573 Okay. All right, everybody, now we are really imposing on Eleanor here. 691 00:38:45,656 --> 00:38:48,075 -Chidi, let's everybody take off-- -Hey, Eleanor... 692 00:38:48,159 --> 00:38:52,705 This person would like to speak with you. Privately. About something. 693 00:38:52,788 --> 00:38:54,081 Oh, really? 694 00:38:54,165 --> 00:38:56,042 Yep. Bye. 695 00:38:56,125 --> 00:38:58,627 [Eleanor] This is the wise monk who gave me the magic amulet. 696 00:38:58,711 --> 00:39:01,422 I gotta figure out what it means. Could be the key to this mystery. 697 00:39:01,505 --> 00:39:03,007 Luang. Perfect. 698 00:39:03,591 --> 00:39:06,844 Why don't you take Jianyu back to your yurt? Right away. 699 00:39:06,927 --> 00:39:08,846 Homie, no. 700 00:39:08,929 --> 00:39:11,807 I'm not spending another second with this loser. 701 00:39:11,891 --> 00:39:14,769 You said he was going to be my best friend, but he is not. 702 00:39:14,852 --> 00:39:19,315 My best friend from Jacksonville was named Pillboi and he was dope! 703 00:39:19,398 --> 00:39:23,444 We would talk together, get high together, throw old batteries at drones together, 704 00:39:23,527 --> 00:39:25,946 but this guy can't hold a camel to Pillboi. 705 00:39:26,530 --> 00:39:28,616 Okay, I no longer think he's a wise monk, 706 00:39:28,699 --> 00:39:30,493 and I'm pretty sure this is just a piece of garbage. 707 00:39:30,576 --> 00:39:32,912 -Babe, there you are. I've been worried-- -[Eleanor] Let me stop you. 708 00:39:32,995 --> 00:39:35,915 Can I guess? You've been worried sick about me. 709 00:39:37,333 --> 00:39:38,209 I'm headed to the gym. 710 00:39:40,294 --> 00:39:43,214 -Sure. Why not? -I'm quite confused. 711 00:39:43,297 --> 00:39:45,299 Let me explain, gorgeous. 712 00:39:45,383 --> 00:39:48,928 I don't know what this place is, but it is certainly not the Good Place. 713 00:39:49,553 --> 00:39:51,764 Michael is forking with us. 714 00:39:51,847 --> 00:39:54,433 -Like a prank show? -Yeah! Like a prank show! 715 00:39:54,517 --> 00:39:58,979 Except, according to this note, it's a prank show we've all been on before. 716 00:39:59,063 --> 00:39:59,939 What note? 717 00:40:00,022 --> 00:40:03,484 Apparently, I wrote myself a note, and stuck it in that Jackie lady's mouth. 718 00:40:03,567 --> 00:40:04,443 Janet. Her name is Janet. 719 00:40:04,527 --> 00:40:06,195 -Oh! Right. Janet. -Hi, there. 720 00:40:06,278 --> 00:40:07,405 -Hi, Janet. -Hi, Jason. 721 00:40:07,488 --> 00:40:09,240 [laughs] 722 00:40:10,908 --> 00:40:12,993 Are you kidding me? 723 00:40:13,077 --> 00:40:18,707 Eleanor Shellstrop, you sneaky little so-and-so. 724 00:40:18,791 --> 00:40:23,003 That was some very quick thinking. I'm extremely impressed. 725 00:40:23,087 --> 00:40:26,632 And, to be honest, I'm relieved. 726 00:40:26,715 --> 00:40:30,719 At least there's an explanation for why this all went south so fast. 727 00:40:30,803 --> 00:40:33,180 But you won't be so lucky next time. 728 00:40:33,264 --> 00:40:34,807 -Next time? -Yeah. 729 00:40:34,890 --> 00:40:36,392 He's going to do it again. 730 00:40:37,101 --> 00:40:40,062 That's not going to work this time, dummy. 731 00:40:40,146 --> 00:40:42,731 Okay. Excuse me. I'm sorry, but this is unacceptable. 732 00:40:42,815 --> 00:40:44,358 I demand to speak to your superior. 733 00:40:44,442 --> 00:40:47,695 I am so sorry, madam. Please forgive me. [snaps fingers] 734 00:40:48,779 --> 00:40:53,784 Well, as humans like to say, "Third time's the charm." Right? 735 00:40:53,868 --> 00:40:54,702 [all groaning] 736 00:40:54,785 --> 00:40:58,289 I take full responsibility for the false start. 737 00:40:58,372 --> 00:41:02,251 But I assure you all, there is no note this time. 738 00:41:02,334 --> 00:41:03,711 I'll prove it to you. 739 00:41:03,794 --> 00:41:05,421 -Janet! -Hi, there. 740 00:41:05,504 --> 00:41:07,965 Hi, Janet. Open your mouth, please. 741 00:41:08,966 --> 00:41:10,217 Thank you. 742 00:41:12,803 --> 00:41:15,931 See, no notes, no clues or loopholes. 743 00:41:16,015 --> 00:41:17,516 Nothing in there. 744 00:41:18,726 --> 00:41:19,727 Thank you, Janet. 745 00:41:19,810 --> 00:41:23,522 So, let's all pretend the last attempt never even happened. Questions. 746 00:41:23,606 --> 00:41:27,151 Maybe it's none of our business, but did you tell Shawn what happened? 747 00:41:27,234 --> 00:41:30,905 Yes, I did. And he completely understood. 748 00:41:30,988 --> 00:41:33,657 As a matter of fact, he found the whole thing kind of funny. 749 00:41:33,741 --> 00:41:35,367 But he was very supportive. 750 00:41:35,451 --> 00:41:38,329 He says he's very excited for us to get going again. 751 00:41:38,412 --> 00:41:40,206 So, anyone else? 752 00:41:40,289 --> 00:41:42,917 Anybody? No? 753 00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:45,294 Let's get out there and make some miseries. 754 00:41:48,797 --> 00:41:50,925 Testing, one, two, three. 755 00:41:51,008 --> 00:41:52,218 [line ringing] 756 00:41:53,928 --> 00:41:55,262 Hey there, boss man. 757 00:41:55,346 --> 00:41:58,140 You were supposed to call me this morning, give me an update. 758 00:41:59,266 --> 00:42:00,643 Right. Sorry. Yeah. 759 00:42:00,726 --> 00:42:04,522 It's just, the, um... The chaos sequence was going so well. 760 00:42:04,605 --> 00:42:06,857 Better than the first time, in my opinion. 761 00:42:06,941 --> 00:42:09,818 Eleanor got completely drunk last night. 762 00:42:09,902 --> 00:42:12,905 She talked for like an hour, even flashed somebody. 763 00:42:12,988 --> 00:42:14,490 So, we had a lot to work with. 764 00:42:14,573 --> 00:42:16,242 So attempt number two is on track so far? 765 00:42:16,325 --> 00:42:18,410 Smooth as silk. Everything's great. 766 00:42:18,494 --> 00:42:20,746 -[distant screaming] -Oh... 767 00:42:20,829 --> 00:42:22,706 Sounds like everything's going well back there, too. 768 00:42:22,790 --> 00:42:24,333 We're trying out the new butthole spiders. 769 00:42:24,416 --> 00:42:26,335 -Ah! -They're enormous. 770 00:42:26,418 --> 00:42:27,878 You know, good old-fashioned torture. 771 00:42:27,962 --> 00:42:29,046 The way it's supposed to be. 772 00:42:29,755 --> 00:42:31,799 Good luck with attempt number two. 773 00:42:31,882 --> 00:42:35,052 And, remember, there will be no attempt number three.